How to Fight a Bitter Heart
The Struggle with Bitterness
In the middle of the night, the baby cries—again.
He’s teething, so he cries a lot because he’s in pain.
I remind myself that he’s not giving me a hard time; he’s having a hard time.
But I am desperate for some sleep—the kind of desperate that only parents with babies understand.
That’s when a sneaky, negative thought crept into my mind:
“I’m so sick of breastfeeding.”
The Cycle of Bitterness
Hundreds, if not thousands, of times when these sneaky thoughts enter my mind, they send me down a rabbit hole:
- The initial negative thought.
- Justifying my negativity.
- Becoming bitter.
However, this time, that didn’t happen. So naturally, this is the one I am going to tell you about (kidding! Well, kind of).
Taking Every Thought Captive
You can’t always control those sneaky thoughts from coming in, but you do get to control the next thought.
So this time, I chose to think differently:
- “Or I could be thankful that I get to feed my baby for free.”
- “I could be thankful that I get to take care of him and provide what he needs no matter what time it is.”
- “I could be thankful that I don’t have to go downstairs and warm up a bottle right now.”
I could be thankful.
We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.
—2 Corinthians 10:5
A large part of taking every thought captive is stopping bitterness before it takes root. It means halting the train of negativity and intentionally choosing gratitude.
The Power of Thankfulness
On hard days, I’ll ask my husband, “Is there anything you can find to be thankful for?” He always finds something. Of course, there is always something to be thankful for.
If nothing else, we are free from our sins in Christ and have been given the gift of salvation:
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.
—Ephesians 2:8-9
That truth never changes, even when our circumstances do.
Guarding Against Bitterness
Bitterness brews slowly. It doesn’t take hold overnight—it builds over time. But if we can recognize where our thoughts are headed and stop them before they turn into bitterness, we are better off.
Now, this doesn’t mean ignoring real struggles. Sometimes, we must confront difficult circumstances in order to work through them. The answer isn’t always “Just be happy!”—because that’s not real life.
Gratefulness vs. Bitterness
However, one truth remains: Gratefulness and bitterness cannot coexist.
On tough days, in hard times, I want to be characterized by a grateful heart rather than allowing myself to become bitter.
Our brains naturally drift toward negativity. Those thoughts arise, and we’re tempted to follow them wherever they lead.
But just because negativity is the easy path doesn’t mean it’s the right one.
