Who Can Control Their Tongue? Words are More Powerful Than You Think

Do everything without grumbling or complaining, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky. ~Philippians 2:14-15

Introduction

Do you ever hear someone say something and think, “What was your intention in saying that?” Or “Yikes, that should’ve been an inside thought.”

Our words hold tremendous power, whether we realize what we’re saying or not. Unfortunately, we tend to remember the times when words beat us down rather than lift us. Even hearing second-hand that someone has complained about you is a tough pill to swallow. You get a pit in your stomach and feel awful for the rest of the day – unless that’s just me.

You should never say something behind someone’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face.

Of course, this is easier said than done.

As Christians, we are called to a higher standard. The second part of Philippians 2:15 points out that not grumbling or complaining will set us apart and make us “shine like stars.” We will shine because it will be noticeable if we don’t complain.

When God calls us to a higher standard, he equips us to reach that standard.

In our flesh, we are unable to control our tongues and stop complaining. Thankfully we have the Holy Spirit inside of us to lead us and help us control our tongues.

Sometimes I just want to pray “Snap my tongue shut! Tell me when to shut up Lord!”

Why Complaining Is Wrong

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who live it will eat its fruit. ~Proverbs 18:21

In theory, we all know that complaining is wrong. But if we dive deeper into our intentions we can find out more why it’s wrong.

First of all, almost no one wants to listen to you complain. We actively tell our children not to whine and if we (*cough* I *cough*) am honest, it’s because we don’t want to listen to us. Complaining does not make us good company.

Second, complaining shows a lack of faith in God’s sovereignty. God is in control of everything, he has a plan for everything, and we dare to sit here and complain about it? Really? Do we not trust that God’s plans are good? Do we really think we know better than God?

Our Words Show Our Intentions

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. ~Matthew 15:18

As I’ve been working on this post and thinking through the concept of taming the tongue, it becomes clearer that we need to evaluate our intentions for what we are saying before we say it. Somehow we also need to have grace for others when we can see that their intentions for complaining are not pure as well.

Today was a rough day with my kids, but if my husband comes home and I just spill all the negative things that my kids did, what good does that accomplish? My kids think that all I saw of them today was the parts of the day where they struggled.

Or if I am inconvenienced at a restaurant and I complain that I’m not receiving good enough service, I may be showing that I think too highly of myself that I expect spectalcular service or else I am dissatisfied, all the while not showing grace to the server.

Our words show our intentions and what is coming from our hearts. Evaluating why we say the things that we can show us what is happening in our hearts. Why do I want to complain? What good is that going to accomplish?

We Don’t Have a Right To Complain

“I’m not complaining I’m just venting.”

I’m going to argue that complaining and venting are the same thing. The feeling that we need to get something off of our chest is a learned habit, it is not something that we need to do.

Once again if you ask yourself if you would be willing to say these things to the person’s face, most of the time the answer is no.

You are not entitled to complain.

If anyone had the right to complain, it would be Paul. He had been wrongly imprisoned, shipwrecked, and beaten, yet he wrote with joy and contentment. He did not write letters to gain sympathy, but rather to encourage others even when he was being afflicted.

That is our example. And it will be really, really hard to live up to that example, and that is why we have to rely on the Holy Spirit to tame our tongue and guide us in situations.

In a more practical sense, when you feel those negative thoughts swimming around your brain, and you can’t seem to get them out of your head, figure out a way to get them out. Either write them in a prayer to the Lord surrendering your thoughts, write them down in a journal format, or just pray to the Lord for wisdom and to take the thoughts away.

There is a time where processing negative emotions verbally is valid and necessary. If done without bad intentions, it can be really helpful to talk it out and seek counsel. If something is eating us up inside and we know that talking about it with a trusted friend will help us, and our intentions are not to complain but rather to help us make sense of a situation that would not be considered grumbling or complaining.

Taming the Tongue

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone. ~Colossians 4:6

Some people have figured out this “no complaining” thing, and they are just a delight to be around. Does someone pop into your head when you read this? Wouldn’t it be nice to be included in that when others thought of you?

Once again, it is helpful to think of your intentions when you speak. Are you speaking life? Are you adding joy or grace to a conversation? Or are you commiserating with someone just to make yourself feel better?

This verse above doesn’t say to let some of your conversations be a little bit of grace, but rather that your conversation would be full of it. Full of grace.

Choosing to be Grateful Even When We Don’t Feel Like It

Our flesh is not grateful, it’s entitled. We know we should be kind and not complain, but it’s so dang easy to just focus on ourselves and what we don’t have.

So we must make an active choice to be grateful. It does not come naturally. It is not easy. It is every day choosing to be grateful for what we have and not complain about what we don’t.

Gratitude and discontentment cannot live together. When we feel ourselves sinking into a complaining spiral, we need to take a step back, see what we have to be grateful for and focus on that instead.

Does complaining make your life better? Absolutely not. But choosing to see the good in your life and thank God for it will.

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; his love endures forever. ~Pslams 107:1

Finding something to be thankful for will shift our mindset away from the negative circumstances/problems so that we can focus on God’s blessings instead.

It will not solve all of our problems or make them go away, but rather give us clarity and a positive outlook so that we can face our circumstances.

If you are so down in the dumps that you cannot find anything to be thankful for, I have some for you:

• God loves you (John 3:16)
• God’s love endures forever (Psalms 107:1)
• God is in control (Psalm 135:6)
• God has a good plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11)

In Conclusion…

Shining like stars is such a great honor, and it’s clear that this one thing can make a huge difference in our testimony and our lives in general. To be clear, it is not a simple thing. Only through the Holy Spirit can we do this.

Because let’s be real, we like to talk. My kids will ask what I do with my friends while I’m gone, and then stare at me in disbelief when I tell them that we just talked the whole time.

But we do talk a lot! And that is not going to stop. It’s just a matter of making sure that what comes out of our mouths is full of grace, rather than just talking to talk, or even worse intentions.

In Psalm 141:3 David asks for God to put a guard over his mouth. I think perhaps you and I should do the same.